Day 1

How do you spend the first day of the year?

Here is how I spent mine (so far)...

0400 am : finally succumbed to sleep after reading Kitchen (Banana Yoshimoto).

1030 am : woke up to a sumptuous meal prepared by Mom. Day-off from the kitchen.

1140 am : checked my messages, replied to e-mails, watched Martha Stewart and CNN, aimlessly channel surfed (lazy,lazy,lazy).

1230 nn : remembered that I have to start my diet to lose 10 lbs so I munched on some fruits. (it's never too late)

Not an impressive jump start for 2010, right? I think so too. Feeling guilty that the day is slipping by without doing anything substantial, I read my backward review for the year. Suddenly a swell of emotions started flowing---loneliness, temporary bliss, guilt, contentment. Looking at the details of a year that passed by, objectivity is hard to exercise. I can't help but feel clingy to every treasured second. I can't escape the pain and guilt. Good, bad, or ugly, it's a life lived after all. I realized that I had to take in everything-as in everything-to give the year that was a proper ending. And in the process, I am also bidding my old self farewell to give way to the new.

Letting go is a hard thing to do. But it is the only approach to start on a clean slate. And yes, move forward. Walk,walk,walk.

And as my checklist of resolutions stare at me in the face, 2010 has begun. There's no escaping now...like a deadline drawing closer, a fork in the road. While I ponder on the inescapable vast unknown, a Bob Dylan song plays in my head:

Though you might hear laughin', spinnin', swingin' madly across the sun,
It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
And but for the sky there are no fences facin'.
And if you hear vague traces of skippin' reels of rhyme
To your tambourine in time, it's just a ragged clown behind,
I wouldn't pay it any mind, it's just a shadow you're
Seein' that he's chasing.

Tomorrow is a new day. But today is today. As I sip my coffee, I feel grateful for the year that was, the day that is and the opportunity of change that tomorrow brings.

Happy New Year.