Onset

Photo c/o Panx

It started weeks before my 27th birthday. I found myself wide awake at 3 am staring blankly at the ceiling cracks above me. Not a single thought bothered me that night, not even a single tear ran down my cheeks. Quite frankly, nothing was troubling me at that time because:
                 
          a. I have a great job
          b. I have a roof over my head and I eat 3 times a day
          c. I'm back to doing what I love to do (playing the classical guitar)

Then I asked myself, Why on earth am I awake at this ungodly hour? What the heck is wrong with me?

Many sleepless nights followed after that. I still have trouble sleeping and only get an average of 5 hours of sleep a night. I literally force myself to get up and drag myself out of bed in the morning. I feel unwell and depleted the whole day. I look pale and weak. And loneliness is becoming a frequent visitor which I am particularly uncomfortable with lately.

Again, I have nothing to complain about. Everything in my life is running smoothly. I embrace my present with full acceptance and gratitude. I am content with where I am.

But why am I feeling this way?

What causes this emptiness inside?

Is this sinking feeling the onset of a major crisis?

I'm still figuring it out.

To be continued...