Goodbyes

nixasis 2012

I can brag about this because I have done this many times: I have mastered the art of saying goodbye. 

But who am I kidding. Dealing with goodbyes is never an art. We try to make it civil, yes. Poetic, could be. Facing the pang of pain and tinge of regret, however, is an inner battle. And I would be lying if I said that I won all the wars I had dealt with over the years. Just like you, I am a wounded soldier limping my way through the course, trying my best to stand strong.

I realized that saying goodbye is a tricky business altogether. Sometimes, we are impatient in our current affairs that we leave without weighing the repercussions and rush head on to the next opportunity that comes our way. Oftentimes, though, we stay longer than we should -- turning a blind eye on the scars incurred and convincing ourselves that things will be better soon.

How will we know if the timing is right then? Is there even such a thing? Unfortunately, no formula exists. A dear friend once said, "Make a decision. Then let providence take over". I think that's the only motivating force we've got to keep on playing the cards we are dealt with.

They said that letting go can only make us stronger. I agree with this. But there is another element we gain from every ending, and that is humility. When I was younger, like many of us consumed by the vanities of our youth, I had an air of pride that I would never be forgotten. Worse, that I was irreplaceable. I am still not an ounce wiser now, but I couldn't help but barf out of my system this sense of entitlement I once had. What was I thinking? Who am I to be remembered anyway? Memory is selective; people are forgetful. We remember things we want to recall and we easily forget things we refuse to keep. And yes, we have our own versions of what happened.

If someone remembered your name or a deed you had done, then a "thank you" is in order. But remembrance should never be expected, not even asked for. Could it be earned? What for? The important thing is that, at the end of the day, the task has been done the best way you can. When the time comes for others to carry it further, give them the space to do so. Everyone can make a dent in this world. And the impact is greater when many work towards a cause.

Leaving a relationship, on the other hand, is more difficult. Emotions get in the way. But it doesn't diminish the fact that when it is over, it is over. And when saying goodbye to a lover, no matter how painful it is to do so, one must sincerely wish for his/her happiness, even if it means moments you shared together will be erased from his/her memory to build new ones with another. 

I must admit, though, uttering that word is never easy. Saying goodbye out loud seals the deal. We may try to take it back in a moment of fickle illusion. But once it is said, it is an intention heard. It is a decision willed to be done. 

We can either express our farewell in a lengthy speech or a single phrase. We can say it in a letter or even a text. But the hardest way of bidding goodbye, and perhaps even the saddest, is one where no word is spoken--the distance and the deafening silence say it all. There is no need for a dramatic exit nor a stern closure. One just turns around and quietly moves forward into that void that says "this is the right thing to do".

Goodbyes are always difficult. Transitions are not always clear. Everyday is meant to be a struggle to consciously stay on track...summoning up the courage not to look back, praying that one does not falter, and finding strength in every step taken towards seeking what lies behind those unexplored doors. But one must keep in mind that goodbyes are not about burning bridges; they are about linking islands of experiences that need to be explored for one's biography. Every encounter must be received with gratitude. And one can always be assured that, just like any journey, the walk is always worth the toil.