Overdrive

5:30 am. Tuesday. Manila. 

If you were to ask me a few days back if I ever thought I'd be in the same airport,  waiting for the same flight bound to the same destination I was a month ago, I'd say N-O.

But fate has a way of steering us toward a direction we never planned to take, even circumstances we never thought possible.

This whole trip is, for lack of a better term, a whirlwind of sorts. The world as I knew it changed overnight. I lost everything I had-- the job I love, relationships I hold dear, even a clear sense of who I am. I compromised a lot, thought of my wellbeing too little, and gave in too much. And in the process, I found myself at a crossroad, a crisis point, and there was nothing left to do but decide whether to stay lying face flat on the bathroom floor or get up and move. 

I owe it to myself to choose the latter. And I am glad I did. The bathroom floor is too cold for one to stay there too long.

And so here I am, 2 days before my 30th birthday, sitting alone in a crowded airport, waiting for the unknown to unfold. And I have never felt so at peace with my decision, so accepting of how things turned out, and so forgiving of the person I have become.

Life is good after all.

As a ritual, I went on a road trip alone. I love driving and I know I am going to miss roving around the streets of Manila with my little car Sky once I leave for Beijing. And so I had a good road trip all by myself, driving to all the places that matter to me. From Quiapo to Sta. Rosa, from the innocence of my childhood, the growing pains of my youth, and the conscious striving of my present. And it dawned on me: 30 years compressed in 4 hours, spanning a hundred kilometers, made alive by random songs played on the radio and memories imprinted on every lamp post, street and wall. Nothing is wasted; everything is needed. And I wouldn't trade a thing.

Yes, life is good after all.

And all I could hear now is that distant song...